The Twilight Craze: Why You Should Join Jacob's Pack

New Moon hit theaters on November 20, but the Twilight craze continues to bite the necks of many unsuspecting victims. If you haven't watched it yet, check out a BANNED trailer! Yes, here at the BS, we have connections, and we were able to call up a few people in order to get you this wonderful teaser. Check it out:

>BANNED New Moon Trailer! <--Click Here!!!

Hoosing Hufflepuffs! Isn't it fantastic? Anyways, if it hasn't hit you already, New Moon has introduced an extremely engaging debate currently being fought within Congress, Parliament, and governments across the universe. Which side are you on? Edward or Jacob? Are you a vampire or a guinea pig werewolf? Hopefully, this little comparison can help you join Jacob's pack...as I have chosen...because I'm such a die-hard Twihard. Get it? "Die-hard"? Vampires are dead? "Twilight"? I'm like sooooooo uberly funny!

The Disadvantages to Being a Vampire:

1. You can't see yourself in the mirror. How are you going to impress your date? What if you accidentally spray your cologne in your eye? And ladies, I don't think it would be very attractive if your lipstick was applied like some sad clown hooker just because you don't know how far your lips extend.
2. You have to drink blood. Well, the main problem would be that it's like having sex with your lips. If people ran around doing it, then getting AIDS would be like shaking hands.
3. You can't do anything in daylight. This leads to a deficiency of vitamin D and results in brittle bones. When you're dead, you can't afford to have brittle bones, now can you? This is made worse if you're lactose intolerant as well.
   
4. You live in a coffin. It's a wooden box. Unless someone starts a TV show like Pimp My Coffin, no one is getting any style points for living in one.
5. Garlic is no longer edible. By being a vampire, you choose to eliminate many delicious food choices such as garlic bread. Pasta and Italian food are both eternally ruined for you. Bad choice.
6. You always look tired and monotonous. Well, how would you be able to get a job if you can't show some sort of charisma? You can't be the next Billy Mays looking like that!
   
7. If faced with rice or a pile of sand, you must count every single grain. Yes, even the Count from Sesame Street had legitimate mythological influences. The myth states that when faced with a pile of some sort, the vampire must count every entity of that pile. Seems a bit cumbersome to me.
   
8. Can easily get charged with sexual harassment. Even if the swath of screaming Twihards were responsible for sleeping with you against your will, you're centuries older than them; therefore, you face the charges. Too bad you're spending the rest of your life in prison! What happened to your immortality now, huh?
9. Speaking of being centuries older, your birthday cake would be unable to accommodate all the candles. Plus, if you somehow are able to put all the candles on the cake, then that's just a major fire hazard.
10. Guys, if you're the type that loves to date a cougar, well good luck. Also, ladies, finding a younger man would probably result in suicide....again.
11. If you have buckteeth, then your fangs might not be able to fully extend and drain your victim. You starve, then you die....again.
12. Enough of this. There are too many to list. You know that. Accept it.

The Advantages to Being a Werewolf:

1. They're so cool. 'nuff said.
2. You live in a pack. It has been proven that those who live in communities live 23 years longer than those who live alone or in isolation. Plus, you'd always have a team ready to play a game of basketball or football.
   
3. When you sing Shakira's "She Wolf," you can add an authentic wolf howl.
4. Being a werewolf already makes you BA.
5. No need to buy a Snuggie; you're already one! With fur! Beat that.
   
6. Much more approachable and friendly than vampires. Think about this scenario: A young girl with an ice cream cone accidentally runs into a vampire and gets the ice cream all over his pants. The vampire would automatically intimidate the girl or even drain her of her blood! A werewolf, however, is more likely to affectionately lick the girl and swallow her whole nuzzle gently, providing comfort and warmth.
7. Baby werewolves would be like puppies. Who doesn't love puppies?
8. You'd get jacked instantly; think about it....have you ever seen an obese werewolf?
9. Going further, apparently, shirts become optional; therefore, you save money. Hey, now you can afford to go to college!
10. Going even further, guys, even though vampires supposedly have the power of hypnotism, women would be hypnotized by your great abs. All natural, baby.
    
11. Enhanced senses are always a plus. You'll finally get to hear the dog whistle that you thought was broken.
    
12. Remus Lupin is my favorite Harry Potter character in history! Twihardz aRe LikE uBEr CoOlio Duh! WHERE'S MY JACOB SHIRT!?!?!
    
13. Too many. Just become one. Like Thomas Paine wrote in 1776, it's Common Sense.
    

Join the pack. JOIN IT! Or else I'll hit you with a Patronus. Besides, ladies, how can you resist this?
So, which side are you on? By the power of Dumbledore and my amazing abs, I compel you to comment and express your devotion to either side. The wars have commenced.