The Twilight Days of Christmas

With the arrival of Christmas, we at the BS want to extend a more welcoming hand to those who may take offense to red Santa hats, the sudden increase in Bibles, and fruitcakes. Here, we would like to wish you all a nondenominational greeting of celebration and happiness! Come on, Chrismahanukwanzakah does not cut it; what about those poor atheists and Buddhists? Of course, what better way can we convey this message than through a universal feeling of Twilight love...aka Twilove? Yes, Twilove is shared among all of us. Remember those feelings of depression and angst as you gazed at your respective holiday gift bills? Or those feelings of resentment and sadness at getting a repulsive present? Well, those are the exact emotions inhibited by the characters of the immaculate Twilight series. Ah, yes, we can all sympathize with the love triangle between Bella, Edward, and Jacob; we all know those feelings of abuse and neglect, taking out our anger by flinging fruitcakes at those we love, hate, or don't even know. This Twilight season, bond with your loved ones by sharing these feelings together over a hot cup of B positive blood and some Snuggies. This year, ditch the carolers and the Christmas trees. Put up some coffins and lay out the wolf-skin rugs to truly embrace the spirit of Twilight cheer.

Plus, are you a late gift shopper? Well, here at the BS, we have a lovely gift idea that will brighten any young man's day. The Twilight Bella action figure is truly a holiday must for any aspiring young vampire wannabe. Picture that young Edward-to-be playing with his new Bella, examining every detail of her anatomically correct body parts. In addition, your young one can reenact scenes from the book and movie, running Bella over with his new Hot Wheels cars or the new train set from Uncle Ernie. Not only will he learn how to save a human life, but he will also be gently introduced into the mechanics of human sexuality and teen angst. The Bella action figure, if anything, is THE ONE AND ONLY gift that can capture the true nondenominational spirit of the season. Happy winter, everyone.

<-- Isn't she just hormonally fangtastic?