Singles Awareness Day

Hello, friends, fans, and all you other loyal readers! Have you cuddled with your special someone yet? Watched Dear John? Or Valentine's Day? Well, aww, then that's great.

Now for the rest of us.

As you all know, tomorrow is everyone's favorite lovey-dovey holiday. Marked by roses, chocolate hearts, and naked babies practicing their archery, who wouldn't feel compelled to join in the festivities?


What's the problem? Well, they're all biased towards couples.

Single? Well, now it's stamped across your forehead.

"On February 14, [Insert Name of Single Person Here] is self-aware."

Well, doesn't that sting? Luckily, here at the BS, most of us we care about you. We choose to be sensitive towards your relationship status. That is, as long as you're not going to marry your dog or some plastic doll like Heidi Montag.
Our solution to this predicament: Singles Awareness Day. Also known as SAD, it helps singles all over the world get over the fact that they have to make out with a pillow as retribution for not being able to make love to an actual human being.
I bet you want to know the advantages to being single. If you don't, too bad. You're the one choosing to read this anyway. Go be single somewhere else.

• Well, you can have as much candy and flowers as you want delivered to yourself. No one will know who gave them to you. Plus, if you're the narcissist, you probably already thought about this.
• You're not obliged to be with only one person. Go hit the strip club. Show Ke$ha how it really feels to wake up feeling like P. Diddy.
• You get to wear green on this day. If red or pink is not your color, then you might have some issues if your partner's all about Valentine's Day. Plus, guys never wear pink. It says so in The Bro Code. You better be ashamed if you do wear pink. You should have known better.
• Accidental pregnancies are a thing in the past. Well, it's never been a problem for the guys, but for the ladies, it's apparent. 

On the other side of the spectrum, what if you're more than a couple on Valentine's Day? As in, what if you're a Siamese twin? It's a bit awkward to have an extra body or two (literally) during this holiday. Valentine's Day, sadly, neglects the needs of these poor people. How ironic.

So if you're lonely on this lovely holiday, wear some green, cuddle up near the fireplace with your favorite Twilight book, and send some flowers and chocolate to yourself. Celebrate your singularity! Who knows? You might find a valentine in yourself. Happy SAD!


Take it away, Beyoncé.